Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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