I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
