i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
