It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
