No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
