tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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