Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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