I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
