Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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