i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
