i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
