hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
