there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
