I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
