This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
