Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
