So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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