i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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