Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
