Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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