I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
