You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
