you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
