Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
