I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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