sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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