Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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