Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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