Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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