He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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