She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
