I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
