Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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