dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
