I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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