i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
