i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
