she takes plan B like it's going out of style
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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