ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
