Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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