Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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