every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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