I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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