3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
