There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
