It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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