what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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