just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
