There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
