Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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