And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
