I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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